Megavideo
Megavideo will both ruin your life and enhance your university experience simultaneously. Picture the scene- you have a free day ahead of you, no lectures, no seminars and a to-do list of all the wonderful constructive things you plan to achieve. And then you go on the internet. In the age of technology nothing has proved quite as damaging as Megavideo. Jeremy Kyle only airs for a precious hour (Itv , 9.25am) each day but Megavideo is a constant unwavering threat to your productivity. Seemingly endless episodes of trashy American television can be available to you at the guilty click of a button. Once you’ve entirely given up hope of work and have resigned yourself to being a total and utter bum, the heartstopping message will appear on your screen ‘you now watched 72 minutes of megavideo. Sign up here or wait for another 30 minutes to continue watching’. Now usually we wouldn’t advise you to make internet transactions with less than legit and possibly not legal sites, but in this case we’re going to. The spinster cannot go without unlimited access to some of the best and most stimulating documentaries out there. We will argue that The Hills is an anthropological exploration of the human condition until we’re blue in the face. And at 9.99 dollar a month premium subscription who can argue with us?
Supermarkets
As we may have mentioned in an earlier blog, the spinster has an amazing ability to conjure up money for the important things in life in times of hardship, which is why we found the transition into Uni life such a breeze. We will never be with our Richmond Menthols, heat magazine or rip off Iceland brand WKD. Once you become a student your relationship with supermarkets will never be quite the same. You can ditch your taste for Waitrose humus and Mark and Spenscer’s oven meals forever. Rosie still remembers her first trip to Asda with fondness (she comes from a vaguely middle class area where Tesco’s and Sainsbury’s prevail all). The excitement of finding a kettle for a fiver was something she should definitely be keeping to herself. But for the sake of this blog we will tell you now- drop your supermarket snobberies and save your pennies. Style
The title of this blog is rather ironic, considering the student, in particular the Spinster student, possesses less than a little of this. Walk past any student facility and be faced with an array of stupid headwear that even your pervy uncle Roger wouldn’t be caught dead in. The spinster may prefer the hat that may appear to be associated with the Russian mafia: furry and with flaps. Whilst maintaining a sense of style you simultaneously manage to conceal as much of the head as possible all short of wearing a balaclava. The genius idea behind obsessive hat wearing is to disguise the always present and ever growing issue of the’ student’ hair. You will find that the minute you become a student you will somehow forget that hairdressers even exist and that there never seems to be one that won’t charge you less than 50 quid for a simple cut and blow.
The lumberjack shirt is another student/spinster staple. Found in any charity shop or high street chain, the commonly known as ‘man shirt’ will provide you with comfort and room for your expanding student waistline. It can be worn over leggings when your jeans smell so bad they could go to Uni for you. On this note, practically anything of comfort is popular with the Student : Hoodies, Onesies, you name it, our wardrobe will be crammed with it. Things that should never be worn past the front door soon become perfectly acceptable ‘I’m just popping to the corner shop for diet coke and fags’ wear. Last but not least, buy yourself a pair of sunglasses. They don’t need to be pricey because no doubt you will be sitting on them after one glass too many. But when the morning after shame has arrived you will be oh-so-grateful to your sunglasses for shading you from the glaring reality of last night’s cringe.
Diet
Again slightly ironic, as being a student means you can throw any hope of achieving the 5-a-day rule out the window. 5-a-day swiftly becomes more about how many Super noodles you can buy for a fiver than how many broccoli’s you can consume. You will soon learn that anything anytime goes. Your immune system will build up barriers stronger than Britney Spears’ chasity belt. However, every student has their personalised combination of hangover food to get them through the hard times- we would recommend orange juice, milkshakes and fry up in copious amounts. This is the one time when the budget can be scrapped in favour of carbohydrate binging.
Sex
Most Spinsters turn up at Uni fresh faced and optimistic, telling her new friends how she really sees her relationship going the distance and lasting the trails and tribulations of university life. 5 minutes into freshers and she’s sucked off half the pub. But don’t fret, after freshers the numbers of intoxicated men throwing themselves at your feet will dissolve almost as quickly your morals. If you’re anything like our fellow spinster Jim, you may shudder at the memory of the ill-advised romp with your stalker. The student spinster can be sure to spend the rest of her student days reminiscing over the quick pound a pint night fondle. But as we will say time and time again, megavideo is the unsung hero of student spinster life. All you really need keep your bed cosy at night is the radiating warmth from your overheating laptop.
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