We’re here to be the deliverers of some exciting news- the cattle market that is internet dating is no longer restricted to world of war craft super geeks and desperate serial killers but is fast becoming an acceptable part of 21st century singledom. Never the less, have your wits about you- no one want to end up with their body parts nestling against the frozen peas and the microwave pizzas.
First things first- what sites are legit? A word of advice, avoid any sites that sell themselves specifically as an ‘adult’ dating site. Sites like these might result in a hairy stranger flopping out his man parts over webcam, which may be alright for some but hardly encouraging in the quest for long lasting romance. As proud owners of dating profiles on two separate websites (we prefer the term open minded to desperate) our personal recommendations would be match.com or plentyoffish.com. The two most important things about internet dating are profile picture and name, in that order. Shallow perhaps but no one wants a date that closely resembles the more attractive features of the back of a spoon. When creating a profile try to avoid names such as hotbabe39 or bigtits4u- it’s never going to work in your favour unless you’re a fan of the aforementioned wanker-webcam types. Something to remember when browsing the profile pictures of various suitors is that the men in question, or women for that matter, will have always carefully selected their 3 or 4 most flattering photos pre-beer belly and pre-receding hairline. So if they look a little hit or miss in their picture no doubt the real life version will be all the more terrifying.
The idea for smart internet dating is to always be reading between the lines. Here are a few things that should ring some alarm bells…’Body Image’ for starters. A cruel category but unavoidable nonetheless. We’re not ones to judge but if you’re not a chubby chaser or a skinny basher then ‘prefer not to say’ means fat bastard or stage 5 eating disorder. Another one to avoid is anyone who describes themselves as 'bubbly'-it reeks of overweight spotty girl falling out of a club in Leeds clutching her shoes and a penis straw.
Hobbies and interests are always hard to feign and on a dating website it’s even less acceptable to admit to Friday night curries and sex and the city marathons. To the Spinsters no doubt the ‘Sports’ section will prove to be the particularly challenging category. Everyone, I repeat everyone, will have checked off skiing and perhaps cycling at a push. They may have once gone on a 4 day skiing school trip ten years back and since developed a fear of heights, but otherwise you can pretty much guarantee their fitness levels are of that of a 10 a day geriatric, and the thought of getting off the sofa sends them into cardiac arrest. Speaking of ten a day, if they say they smoke ‘occasionally’ that’s the figures you’ll be looking at.Your nose will soon become fine-tuned to sniffing out the pungent whiffs of desperation. People who have read your profile will message you pointing out your startling number of shared interests. You like to sit in Greenwich park? I love parks! Your Italian? Meatballs are my fav! You like working with people with disabilities? I’m disabled! And so on.
Beware of ‘high subscription’ users- broken down, this means that it allows you to contact them for free without having your own subscription. In other words, due to some unforeseen personality flaw or physical affliction they need to maximise the chances of someone (anyone) talking to them.
So, after all that, if you think you can handle the challenge then by all means go for it. Be safe and have some fun!!
